Happy Days
A therapy exercise I found a lot of benefit in was the deliberate cultivation of notice for at least one positive thing a day- and barring that, a neutral observance. It had a pretty noticeable impact over the years of purposefully searching to document happier things in life- and so I thought it'd be nice to continue the habit on my blog.
Friday, November 1, 2024
Had a good chat with Dan recently about familiar faces, and a really exciting chat with Edmund about parsers and poetry- and enjoyed seeing some of his thoughts on the sketchings of a post mortem. Looking forward to TTRPG night this Saturday with Grayson and Jinx, especially since it’ll be a welcome reprieve and welcome distraction.
Very proud of Grayson for having their work featured in Indiepocalypse #58 3 as well- super exciting to see their art and game up at the top, I’ve always loved NYX’s coverart and deeply human portrayal of its characters.
Also, hey, Daylight Savings Time is rolling back an hour- which is especially lovely in the winter, when night falls fast. This Sunday! Another sleepy little hour…
I was having some issues with how parts of the forum were loading- switching out to a different colour scheme helped, but while toggling about to try to get it to cooperate to let me do so- it slapped this up in lieu of the Name field, which I found hysterical. I don’t know how or why this happened, but well, Surprise Yam. I joked it was like my OC Winnie haunting my computer- she’s a little baby and one of her favourite foods of all time is smushed up yams.
Sunday, November 10, 2024
Also wrote a reply in our play-by-post TTRPG with Grayson and Jinx: I always enjoy writing the fae, and it’s cute writing The Algid interacting with Cern. Grayson’s comment made me smile: it’s nice to know other people like reading what you write.
Sunday, November 17, 2024
Recently had a particularly interesting silver lining. Caught up with an old acquaintance, also.
Persimmons and black bean noodles for lunch!
Had a good chat with some friends recently about their motivations for doing art, and a bit of a laugh about some stories when it came to dealing with some people in the scene- I was surprised to find out just how small the fine arts and comics/illustration scene is. Apparently, some people are just that notorious, especially in local chitter chatter. Personal reputation extends quite far- especially when it comes to collaboration or behind the scenes recommendations. Also heard some really kind things about my Bluebeard adaptation which was sweet.
Thursday, November 21, 2024
It was really affirming to have a handful of people hold space for me with regards to an issue that’s been ongoing for quite some time- and the eagerness with which they not only were really emotionally supportive, but also took the initiative on proactive steps moving forwards to help, without being asked. That sort of compassionate community care was so surprising and so lovely to be on the receiving end of. It was also super sweet to hear about how my work had left a strong impression with some of them. Much warmth.
Saturday, November 23, 2024
I lost consciousness earlier from blood loss, and I’m freezing, but I’m pretty happy about my bed being so soft and comfy and really happy that I picked up that heavier weight comforter a few years ago because it’s fantastic at trapping in the heat overtop my silkier snugglier blanket.
Currently propping myself up cautiously into a mostly still laying down position, just sat up enough to drink water without choking, and I’ve been working up towards sitting all the way up. I’ve had like two litres of water from my bedside and I’m still super thirsty and cold and light headed, but hopefully the blankets help me warm up soon. (Good on past me for leaving the water in reach!)
Taking it slow. Didn’t expect this on my Sunday, but seeing as when I tried to stand up earlier my vision went all gray and cut out and I collapsed in a heap not unlike a bug swimming around in the leaf litter, taking it easy doesn’t sound all that bad right now. I’m lucky that I fell in such a way I fainted back onto the bed and didn’t slam my head into the floor, chair, or shelving unit, and I line the edge of my bed with pillows so it was a nice and fluffy landing.
I’m thinking probably I’ll sit down and slowly move down the stairs while still sitting / scooting and get some oatmeal or something easy like that in a bit. And today is a wonderful day to stay swaddled up in a blanket cape when I do leave my bed.
Monday, November 25, 2024
Felt a wave of relief so intense it was nauseating. After two months of actively battling with inept bureaucrats, (involving rounds of misinformation, information that blatantly contradicted contract documents, documentation from healthcare professionals, financial records, insurance crawling, having things cancelled and absurd processing times to reopen claims and cases, and absolutely no support from several professionals who are equipped to supposedly help people navigate with all of this), I finally have an issue related to my permanent disability as related to academia resolved. Really, this issue started a few years ago, when even attempting to get the status confirmed, but this recent snarl of issues became very pressing in the last few months. Good fucking God. I’ve been exhausted trying to sort this out. It’s over. I don’t have to fuss about it anymore. Thank God.
Tentatively have some very good news, and ran it by some people who know more than I do. Not quite solid enough to be hopeful, but it is a little bright spot of relief in what’s been a really rough day.
Tuesday, November 26, 2024
Grayson and I had fun chitchatting recently about a fun little AU for us to play around in- I don’t normally dabble in cyberpunk, but I actually used to primarily write science fiction, instead of writing gothic romance/horror, believe it or not! So it’s cool to get ‘back to my roots’ in that sense. And I’m super excited to play with them and our box of dolls to puppet about in play by post replies. :3
Note
The following is a raw dump of text from the thread prior to my cessation of visiting there. I haven't bothered to add the individual dates, as that was too much fuss- but have formatted it into rough chunks of paragraphs. This page is archived, so this is really for my own perusal or nostalgia later down the road. All in all, the posts span from November 27th to December 8th.
That Cheshire cat set idea sounds super adorable. My favourite season is winter, so I’m glad to live somewhere where we get the full range of the seasons, even if winter is especially brutal and prolonged. I could do without the sweltering summers, though, I don’t do well with the heat… Your meals sound great. Hope you’re having a good Thanksgiving!
Accidentally ingested way too much caffeine on Friday, which I’ve been paying for ever since, but I’ve been taking fantastic advantage of the ability to focus in and write, fold laundry, make meals, etc… And staying on top of my hydration, which is the main thing I can really do until it just wears off on its own. Getting a lot of writing done, at least.
My stomach’s settled, which is amazing. Turns out vomiting like four times in two days will level things out. I was having really intense heart palpitations and shaking earlier, plus some issues breathing (shortness/tightness of breath) but that’s all tapered off, and I’m even feeling a little sleepy, having ridden out the worst of it. Drinking plenty of water and mostly just writing in bed until I drift off.
To be honest, that particular symptom didn’t bother me the most. The looming dread and anxiety cloud magnified by way too much caffeine was probably the worst, then the cardiac (my heartbeat was painful, and irregularly fast) and breathing issues, and then the vomiting. But the sheer relief that came after pulling an Exorcist in the bathtub, since it cut down on the nausea, was actually really fantastic. I felt a lot better afterwards- I hate that queasy, prolonged nauseous feeling, so I’d much rather ralph like a dog and get it done with.
Well, I do always joke that I perfectly fit the doomed gothic horror protagonist role- given my sickly pallor, Victorian invalid esque condition of a Strange and Unsettling nature (hemophilia B, in a rare manifestation with regards to it being X-linked recessive in inheritance), and general penchant for purple prose.
That being said, caffeine withdrawals are far more intolerable than this caffeine overdose has been. Those come with pounding migraines, as if someone took a drill bit to your temple- and uncontrollable shaking, sweating, a sense of pervasive doom, fever, full body aches- a whole gamut of incapacitating symptoms.
The heartbeat problems (too fast, irregular, painful) were nasty, but I got a bunch done in between hurling. I’d rather withdraw off of (prescribed) opiates again than caffeine- it’s way more intense than heavier duty medications, but I think a big part is my massive tolerance.
Yes, we’re counting differently- four individual sessions, but I don’t count the individual heaves / hurling up, since it gets tediously out of hand rapidly.
Really happy for you about the blanket though- everyone deserves to enjoy the comfort of being swaddled up all cozy. Also, wow, you’re really tall- I can see how it’d be difficult to find a blanket that works for you! I’m 5’0, so I have the perk of being able to fall asleep in most standard sized bathtubs and pretty much any blanket size that isn’t for infants works for me, but even my friends who are about a foot taller than I am struggle to find ones that don’t leave their feet uncovered. (Suppose that’s why they tend to be fanatics about cozy socks.)
Grayson and I have been writing play by post style in, and talking about ideas/character concepts for a Cyberpunk AU, (and for once, I’m in the delightfully charming position of not knowing anything about the source material, and thus alternating between being swept off of my feet with lore dumped into my lap from an excited source, or hunting down information from wikias and other fan congregates, which is in of itself, an exciting little adventure, with the bonus of being better able to participate in something fun with friends, and learning something about a subject close to the heart of someone you’re fond of is always fantastic) and Jinx joined in today for some scheming about character dynamics. Always super fun to play with them both.
Grayson has also been creating some more fantastic art. I admire how they do line art- their strong sense for shape and form, the artful draping of fabric and the rigidity of body armour: how their portraits stare accusingly out of the page, arresting you in their liveliness- the intensity in their eyes. Really wonderful effect.
A bunch of them have been portraits based on their characters in this new Cyberpunk AU, (variations of which Grayson has had for a long time- which makes it even more fun for me, to dive into unexpected pre-existing conditions, character dynamics, and plots all richly constructed and coyly hinted at), and it’s been fascinating seeing how deft their hand is at a more structured, boxy look- as compared to the flowing fabrics and meticulously pleated skirts of our more academic setting.
ETA: Unexpected late night Jinx reply in the TTRPG play-by-post thread. An absolute win.
No worries! I appreciate you taking the time to try to search it up. AU is an acronym for ‘Alternate Universe,’ and is a popular term in fandom spaces.
Essentially, for us, it means that while we might write the same characters, (for example, I have a priest named Joel), that we would put them into a different setting, in terms of time and/or place, as compared to their usual setting. This could result in changes to the character, (for example, Joel is a priest in most of his stories, though his employment with the mafia varies depending on the universe the story is set in), or they might remain largely the same.
Originally, Joel is a priest that works for the mafia in a fictional Toronto. His main story genre is typically modern superheroes, heavy on the romance, though there’s often elements of urban fantasy that sneak into it as well, with fairies and vampires and demons and such.
But I could take Joel, and place him into a different context, such as the Cyberpunk 2077 alternate universe we have for our characters- and now he’s a priest who lives in California, who works for Militech in their laboratory department: to have on hand to perform the final rites for any experiments that fail catastrophically. He’s still Joel, just in a different lifetime, and it’s fun to explore both what changes, and doesn’t change in a character, depending on their circumstances and different upbringing depending on the AU.
It is kind of ambiently nice to have someone express their genuine concern, even if it is in the context of ‘I know that your training as an internal medicine doctor is urging you to step in even if this is merely a complication of my genetic disorder I have endured worse manifestations of in poorer conditions alone and have not perished from it, and anyways between the huge wait and lack of any possible care to provide it would be less than useless, it would be actively harmful to my precarious health’ sort of way. But it’s nice to know that she’s worried about my wellbeing.
Had a talk with Dan, which was nice. I’ve been really struggling with this episode of symptoms- precipitated because of stress, primarily, and that aggravating a pre-existing complication related to my medical history.
I can pinpoint the exact three major contributing factors to this episode, in terms of causing that level of stress, and two more minor incidents that pushed it over the edge. Unfortunately, I can’t do much with that knowledge, but it’s good to know at least. At least for the minor incidents, I can avoid their reoccurrence. That, and having weathered similar, but more debilitating episodes is some abstract comfort.
Vomiting blood and being unable to take painkillers while wracked with pain to the extent I’ve been shaking uncontrollably and sweating profusely from my palms has been really testing my patience today. (Thankfully Dan was there to speak to, to work through it, rather than being unable to still my tongue.) I can’t keep any food down, despite trying repeatedly. I have been managing to keep down some liquids, if meted out slowly, which is good, but the anemia is so severe it keeps dropping my temperature significantly and I end up violently shivering (almost nicked my tongue with my teeth from their chattering) unless I’m heating up my drinks. Can’t feel my extremities- they’re just numb and cold as ice if pressed to my cheek or throat to feel the temperature difference.
I have been able to sit upright though, which is a vast improvement on previous episodes. And I haven’t fainted, and I have not been presenting with a co-morbid respiratory infection, which usually accompanies these. I just need to not stress out and take it easy, and hopefully the worst of the internal hemorrhaging will be tolerable by the New Year, if I’m lucky.
Very cute. Does he like to try to steal the brush sometimes? A friend’s cat is always super insistent on having his brushies time, and if he feels his owner isn’t doing a good enough job of it, he steals the brush, plops it onto the ground beneath his front paws, and rubs his little head against the bristles himself with the occasional judgemental stare cast their way, as if to demonstrate how it’s done.
Managed to pry apart the gluey mouth melt apart without too much damage. Still very thankful for the kickass artists I know, and how immediately supportive and warm they were towards me about an issue that had surprisingly far reaching consequences in terms of touching their own networks. The degrees of separation between people are always so fascinatingly, vanishingly small. One of them who has a fantastically grumpy cat reached out to me to follow up on the situation, which was so sweet, and incredibly thoughtful.
Having some difficulties with my genetic disorder, but some wins as well. The nosebleed is a bit unfortunate, but tolerable and controlled- and the bruising from a whole torso bleed ala autopsy diagramming awhile back has basically almost entirely disappeared, save for some still stubborn areas that aren’t too large.
Ooh, exciting! Congratulations on winning the bid- if you feel up to sharing, what did you get? Ebay can be such a treasure trove for old electronics, vintage accessories, and fountain pens.
Linens are in the wash, yippee! Can’t wait to have super warm blankets and bedding tonight when they’ve tumbled out of the dryer. I’m currently nursing a headache from the weather, though TTRPG time last night was super fun. I like writing Joel- it’s always a fun dive to find bible quotes for him to use as part of his dialog.
That sounds wonderful! It’s one of my favourite parts of getting international packages- seeing the variety of stamp designs and all of the intricate tiny scenes depicted in the art. It’s nice to be able to return to things we loved as children- there’s a sense of nostalgia and a deeper sense of appreciation for something that was important to us when we were younger. I hope that you enjoy your collection, and that you’re able to get your hands on a copy of whichever catch your interest!